I'am writing this from the perspective of an outsider as this is my blog so I have to write it and also I cannot think of anyone worthy enough to write this apart from William Shakespeare, I'll leave you to come to your own assumptions about the 'why not's of that idea.
I will now begin.
On the 6th of January 1995 nothing stirred as the night came over the delightful town of Melrose except an Irish woman who was giving birth to a young boy in the hospital. Born at 9:35 PM to be exact was a beautiful sprightly young boy with delight and happiness in his eyes, above him were standing two 'delighted' parents, well, until one of them dropped the ever looming bombshell, ''What the hell are we going to name the bugger?!?''.
The parents of 'the baby' pondered this for days as they paced up and down the ever bustling hospital ward, and after many days of hard thinking and stroking beards they landed on Finn, not a bad choice by the Irish mother but then, unexpectedly St. Patrick shot down in a rage of fire and thunder and said to the parents, ''This child is half Irish therefore should be treated with respect naming the child Finn will ruin his chances of becoming great warrior of the fields of gold and barley!''. The parents were so confused so they asked the saint a question, ''Why should this child not receive an Irish name, you should be glad, bloody patron saint, my arse!''
''You do not know what you are doing to this child, his second name is Ingham is it not? Think about it you goons, naming a boy after a place in Suffolk is not a worthy decision... Christ, this job get's harder every day.'
The parents looked back on thier decision, realised their fault and moved on swiftly as to dwell would've been foolish. They then named the child Niall, a much wiser decision in my personal view as it does mean champion and this guy, well sums him up in one word.
Niall grew up till the age of five in a beautiful countryside cottage nestled in the heart of the Scottish borders. The boy watched his father drive to work every morning watching his car getting smaller and smaller as it crossed the other side of the valley and waving at the blue dot under the impression that his dad was paying attention oblivious to the fact father was more focused on getting away as quick as possible. He grew to the age of five and after his swimming pool birthday party his parents brought him into the front room and sat him down. The little boy was not stupid he could smell something fishy but he kept himself to himself like any amateur spy would. His mum and dad then broke the news that they were all moving down to a city called Lancaster in England and the child's mouth opened and stated ''......whatever.'' and then walked slowly out of the room with a very strange swagger (if you'd call it that).I think this young boy had hit attitude problems early but no we later found out that it was an emergency in the intestine compartment and needed to be dealt with immediately. His parents were splitting up on this move and poor Niall sat and wondered what it would be like and thought about which parent he would rather stay with until his parents just said you'll see both of us, ''crumbs, I was looking forward to sacking off.............*-Explicit Content Blocked'* .''
After 6 long and treacherous years in Lancaster the young boy finally found his feet when he started high school. He was small, but he was mighty and conquered evil bullies with his angelic singing voice which made him become known as Niall, the guy from heaven, well actually just Niall, but the thing was that everybody knew this small guy with a dreadful haircut who could sing 'well good'. Niall was on top of the world, the school celebrity, however before all this he had made a reputation, a reputation for being the most annoying midget known to man, Niallio the Hobbit. And he travelled under this name through the darkness of Kraznir a land which only 7u1 students who had Miss Mckenzie will know about, this land was Niall's home before he stepped back to reality and realised that he had to try and grow up, a new prospect for little Niall as all the kids were towering above him and beginning to sound like Darth Vader as a result of being attacked by the evil, infamous Pue Bertie, he is know to many as bringing unwanted gifts of hairs and shoving apples down peoples throats. Niall stayed out of Pue's way in fear of his poison, not a wise move as Niall would later find out through changing room jokes and people mistaking him for a female, not good.
About a year into Niall's great reign in High School Niall met the infamous Back Door Man. This man would enter people's houses from the back door, suprisingly, and talk to their mum's for the whole evening! Young Niall would sit on the sofa unassumingly watching this mysterious bloke as his 'Back Door' visits were occurring more frequently. The little innocent boy later found out that this mysterious man was a known guitar maestro known as Nigel (a.k.a. Thatchman). Niall thought to himself as he said this name more and more in his head and then it clicked, there is another man called by the name of Nigel and then he remembered, his dad. His mum obviously had type. They even had the same car, and lived on the same street! However Niall did not know the concept of coincidence so we learn to forgive his ignorance.
Back to School and Niall grew up prosperously and managed to regain some dignity through new hairstyles, new clothes and new alias', many failing but he gained strength and power slowly but surely, and to this day has this strength and power, well maybe, in an interview with Niall a day before his 16th birthday he has a few words as we end the story,
''16 tomorrow, don't you dare say, 'you don't look a day over 10' because at this age it is an insult because I know this fact very well you patronising bastards who I call my friends. Thank you anyway for giving me some time when no one else did cause life's a bitch and thank you for being an image so it looks like I have friends. Tomorrow I will be 16, whether I look it or not, I feel it so fuck everybody who thinks I'm 12 I'm living life at what age I feel so thank you for the pointers but I'm on my way now and I feel good, thank you.''
Thank you for listening to my story so far, soon to be released in a cinema near you! Thank you everybody who has helped me look older to get served in the cinema and to support my self esteem.
Goodnight.
